Time to choose my future...

Today, i was trying to avoid tinking whether to combine or to remain my pure sciences...
kept watching anime, until i finished the whole series...
that's when i found out im just being stupid...
tinking abt it now, or later... they r the same...
im just running away from it...
now im tinking abt it, i wondered if i really can come to a conclusion...
If i continued with my pures, my life in the future will be unsteady, even to the point of dropping down, back to square one...
But the good is, I will be offered with a higher salary, but is this wat i really wan???
If i combined them now, I dont nid to work so hard...
But the bad is, my future can nv be as good as ever... i can see it...
Either ways hav its advantages n disadvantages...
"OK.... so im gambling on my future???"
"ya... Its time to move on, leaving the past n accepting the future..."

"So... Hav u made ur choice?"

made a wrong decision...

Now im super stressed of wat to do...
even though i may be going 4 the cambodia trip, i feel that im going there halfheartedly...
But i tink im really going there halfheartedly in the future...
on may, mr lee gave me the form 4 the 15 days cambodia trip. that time, i didnt pass it to the parents cos i dont wan my parents to noe...
but i can nv hide it 4 too long when he called up my parents if they were interested to send me 4 the trip...
n u noe wat, im still tinking if i wan to tell them abt it, if i tell them, then im sure i wan to go...
but i didnt tell them, that means i dont wan to go...
but when my parents noe abt it, they keep telling me to go, as i can learn a lot during the trip...
finally, i gave in, aft my father encouraged me to go...(my father nv fail to control my actions...)
then i dont noe why, but i suddenly feel like going...(must like my mind acting weird again)
then i attend the meetings, though i sometimes look perplexed during the times...
then now, i got my results back, n decided that i nid more time to buck up...
so i noe that the trip will take away most of my time...
i nid time, plus the truth is...
Im not very interested in going 4 15 days...
BUT i decided to quit, then the rest wil quit with me, then in the end, the trip will be cancelled...
Now wat u all think i shld do??? pls tag ur advices on the tagboard. Thx...

Recovered(:

haha, i hope u all noe wat today is(:
but if u dont noe, nvm...
so today, things changed 4 the better, but still far from good...
so finally, i get back to sch...
lessons as usual, but some friends surprised me 0_0
then i got even more surprised that those that i nv tell them, they also noe 0_0
oh, kns, didnt i tell u not to tell the others unless they find it out themselves or i tell them???
cos i nv expect ppl to celebrate 4 me... since my class nv do that...): since i last celebrate abt it in pri 1...
then here comes the assembly, even though its ok, but i tink staying in class may be a better idea, cos its so noisy...
but i laughed a lot, esp when mr suki dance(:
so boring life continues until i meet with my classmates which i burst into laughter, almost to the standard of rofl(real case)...
suddenly i recovered from my sadness... dont noe why, but i feel much better now...
though i believed that they must be surprised by it...

I shld not be living in vain...

KNS(21 oct)

wth... I was so excited when my friends called me out 4 celebration(: i excited till i hav to control my own excitment... but everything goes 4 a change aft they tell me that they r busy...
n u noe wat, i wasted time by myself at lot 1; going to library then slack around the shopping centre... luckily i saw some of my classmates n CCA friends then kinda tell for a while...
around 5pm, i decided to go home n get ready to cycle with my friends, which they say they nv got time then i hav to cycle myself...wat luck...
so cycle to CCK then to Bukit Gombak then return home... it was torturous, u noe... i hav to bear with it,or not my evening i will be staring at nothingness...

tink i must hav a plan to do things during the holidays...